U KNOW UR IN MY COLLEGE WHEN..

U know ur in my college when.....
1. Ur a 25 year old mature responsible adult but college authorities treat u like a kamsin kunwaari kanyaa who might run away wid d first guy she sets her eyes on..
2. U have video cameras in lecture halls n corridors to “catch” anyone interacting with d opposite sex…since talking with d other gender spoils d “pavitra maahaoul” of our sacred college!
3. Left side of d lecture hall is for gals n right side for guys.. again an efficient strategy to prevent male-female bonding.
4. When “my heart will go on” is d only English song u hear in hostel..n people give u bewildered looks when u say rock music..
5. Strict uniform code..white salwaar kameez wid dupatta worn to make a “V” in front for gals n “REVERSE PENGUIN” attire for guys (white pants n shirt with stark black necktie).
6. Being an OMDR pg ur not allowed to enter the digital OPG room coz of lack of funds for repair IF some day it gets damaged (like we’re 2 yr olds playing kabaddi kabaddi with d digital OPG!...so if patient wants digital OPG we refer them to other hospitals!)
7. There is a curfew after 7 pm n u have 6 armed gunmen encircling d girls hostel..n ur favourite time pass is twiddling thumbs/cracking knuckles/ counting d number of nails on ur wall..
8. Any attempt to jump outta window/ scale walls would lead u to khet khalihaans in d middle of no where ,coz u c like all private dental colleges this one too is on d outskirts of d city..if ur lucky u might have a drunk n lost truckdriver for company, if ur mad enuff to jump..
9. All outings are cancelled from 12th to 15th February to prevent anyone from celebrating valentine’s day…n all d roses are plucked away from d college garden by d management…..u’ve already guessed d reason right?
10. Ur promised a wholesome personality development package at d time of admission..so u have culturals.. where guys play d parts of gals just like in our good ol’ raamleelas.. n u if ur planning to sing (no duet obviously), then u have to get ur song approved by d “cultural committee” so bye bye “kajraare kajraare” …...hello “maiya yashodha”..
11. U have “monitors” monitoring each row in audi to discourage people from clapping..if ur caught whistling..ur suspended for indulging in “rowdism”..
12. When a person who doesn’t know dat it’s a college will never know dat IT IS A college coz students are always in clinics n lectures!
13. They cut off electricity in hostels from 9 am to 4 pm in summers so dat even if by any stroke of luck ur successful in bunking(extremely difficult).. u’ll roast to death anyway!
14. Library closes at 8 n is closed on Sundays..no group studying is allowed even b/w same sexes.
15. U have a flying squad conducting surprise raids in college canteen to “rannge haath pakado” if any girl n guy r sitting alone..thanx to d canteen manager doubling up as a spy.. if caught ur parents r instructed to take their kid away coz he/she is polluting other people’s minds by being a bad example!
16. No laptops allowed for undergrads coz they think d only thing u can watch on laptops is “ashleel” sites!
17. Girls doing PG in community dentistry are not allowed to go for camps! Safety reason. Also, Under NO circumstances can any student step outta college campus before 4 pm.
18. They still think oral surgery is for true blooded males…so no pg seats for gals in OS (I swear on my life its true!)
19. When everyone from office peon to clerk to accountant is a “sir”
20. Staple hostle food is aloo poori, aloo parantha, dum aloo. Aloo gobhi, aloo samosaa, aloo tikki. A solid plan to make u look like an aloo by d end of d course so dat u become so fat n ugly dat no one’s interested in u any way!
21. U cant differentiate whether it’s a Sunday or a week day coz u c every single person staff included at d only mall in d city…so same crowd minus d uniform.. (they say im lucky coz I came here when d mall had opened..previous batches used to c movies in halls which had giant coolers n they had to run n throw a hanky/key to book a seat..others who weren’t fast enuff saw d movie sitting on stairs!)
22. They have a yearly trip only for interns..wid boys tour conducted a week after d girls come back so that by no means n I repeat NEVER can d two buses meet accidently on d way!
23. Character assassination is d favorite pass time of everyone…if a girl makes another bf coz things didn’t work out wid d previous one, she is characterless while d second guy goes hoarse explaining “wo aisi nahin hai yaar, uska nature bahut accha hai”….
24. Ur not allowed to keep any bike/scooter in hostel..they don’t want d headache in case anyone dies in a road accident. Day scholars commute by college bus ofcourse separate for boys n gals!


I know u guys r dying to know which college I am in..but guys im not disclosing it to protect myself…as u can c things r already miserable..n dis really would b d last straw! So thank ur stars where ever u r ..anywhere …but here!


Signing off
Chulbuli chidiyaa in chains

THE CLASS!!

okie..so its been more than three months since i last posted something....dis may sound cliched..but time does fly!! last time this year i was a disgruntled first yr fighting politics, scary seniors, perfectionist HOD, homesickness and tuberculosis(yeah ten months of ATT phew!)... some of the things im still battling (perfectionist HOD for eg)...but life is good coz A im finally a SENIOR! & B i finally am getting d hang of d subject &

C i got to take my first lecture ever!!

so what if i had a 100 pairs of eyes staring at me jotting down my every word, joke, cough or literally any sound coming outta my mouth....
I like to think dat I hv d typical indian skin color - wh but i swear to god standing in dat lecture hall addressing a class of overenthusiastic "hey im gonna b a doctor soon" third years.... my face looked more red than a himalayan monkey's ass..
n believe u me guys even Prabhudeva cud ve learnt a lesson or two frm me considering all d involuntary shaking movements my legs were doing..
n thank god for all d salivary secretogogues we have..they gave me hope.. coz i was pretty sure i had had a sudden onset sjogren's syndrome since dat was d only thing dat cudve explained d overwhelming dryness of mouth at dat time!
so standing there, being on d other side of d fence for d first time , talking bout "pigmented lesions of oral cavity" thinking bout the countless professors who’d given up on me.. dis is wat my first class looked like..
there were the first bench gunners who had hands dat looked more like penstands coz they had a pen in every color to highlight d imp stuff..
n then there were d attention cravers who'd raise their hands only to make me go back to the previous slide just to make sure that i knew they existed..
n the girls who made me pray their heads wouldn't fall off coz they were so good at nodding vigorously at everything i said.
not to forget d ones who impressed me wid their "go green save paper" funda coz they were sharing one notebook...only to be caught later playing knots n crosses..
n oyeah...d "rockstar backbenchers"..d ones who dont have ny paper or pen with an "im doing u a favor by attending ur class" attitude..to them i just wanna say..ppl ur as predictable as d bread jam my working mom used to pack in lunch box every day back in school..so try n be more convincing wid ur “im physically here” act even though mentally ur dreaming to be an overnight millionaire or being at Bahamas wid mallika sherawat or just praying dat d stupid lecturer wud stop or else u’d create history having world’s first ever stroke due to boredom…..
so while the first 15 mins were spent introducing myself, the topic & fighting the fatigue( thanx to the lecture prepration till 2 am for these thankless morons)… n finally letting it sink dat I AM THE LECTURER d one whose clothes & relationship status gets discussed bout……………. d one who gets idolized or hated……….. d one who can change lives n make ppl loathe or fall in love with their subject or wid them…..d one person who can leave an indelible mark on the minds of millions……
wow I WAS DAT PERSON !
d rest 45 minutes went off like a dream n I may have managed to get d “backbenchers” to grace us wid their mental presence as well…
so other than taking lectures n bullying my brand new juniors..i do have time for my blog even though its wriiten b/w slurping maggi made on a heater in my 6x10 hostel room, downloading ppts for my next seminar n watching public enemies in installments on my lappie….n dats why I say … “life is good!”
happy belated teachers day !

SOS

just when u have sculpted urself into d perfect "p.g " mould..understanding ur guide's mood swings n minutest of details of his behaviour patterns (like always getting a "no" if hez entertaining someone from other departments even though he approved dat thing 5 mins back!).. n just when u've got a hang of d mean games ur seniors play n u've started having dat nice reassuring feeling dat u might be able to battle ur way out of dis course....dats exactly when it hits u where it hurts d most..... d exams notice! u feel d ground shake beneath ur feet as u read d wretched notice..scared to ur wits u start blaming urself for dis catastrophe...ofcourse dis has happened coz u changed ur desktop wall paper from "radha-krishan" to "bon jovi"! n u start thinking of all d "wrong" things u might've done to deserve ur first birthday in "hellhole", coinciding wid ur first exam! fighting wid rickshaw walas for do -do rupaiyaa cud be one..dont think latching my senior's door while she was sleeping inside qualifies to be mean(as in c'mon she did come out after screaming hysterically for an hour..) ...hmmm..might hv something to do wid d irritating spoilt brat of a kid i slapped when his mom was not watching..naah i think shd've slapped him again....wat d heck.. cud be anything frm eating an egg on tuesday(sorry hanumaanji!) to turning d radio volume up when u know dat ur supermean neighbour has a viva...but.... d bottomline is dat ur DOOMED!determined not to throw up at d notice board u walk like a zombie to ur room n start planning d strategy to get up close n personal wid exams.
.a. time to hide ur contacts n take out ur big black thick rimmed glasses
b. fasts every monday n weekly visits to temple
c.ruffled unironed clothes in ur wardrobe
d. bribing d mess worker to sneak food into ur room
e spreading all ur basic books n doing d "inkie pinkie ponkie/akkad bakkad bambe bo" test to determine which topic to start from...
f preparing urself to welcome sleepless nights n stinging eyes as u try to interpret d books which ur sure are in english though strangely appear like greek!
wid dat taken care of u start dwelving deeper n deeper into stuff like anatomy n physiology of tmj, physiology of saliva secretion, muscles,nerves, pathways of pain, calcium metabolism , wound healing n coagulation(hate it!) etc etc...n dat my frenz is exactly wat i'm doing these days ...sacrificing my grey cells.. hoping against hope dat watever i'm cramming wringing my brains up left, right n centre...wud help me kill atleast one hr outta d 3 hrs long exam...... pray for me guys as i fight a herculean battle against 1 million macchars in my room.....a mind dat gets distracted every now n then... n a body dat dozes off every half an hour.....signing off- dreading d D day n waiting for a miracle!

DILEMMA

"Any path is only a path. There is no affront to yourself or others in dropping a path if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on a path or to leave it must be free of fear and ambition. I caution you: look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself and yourself alone this one question. Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same. They lead nowhere. They are paths going through the brush or into the brush or under the brush of the Universe. The only question is: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then it is a good path. If it doesn’t, then it is of no use."

Carlos Castaneda
read it somewhere , fell in love wid it!
( if it takes u three readings to understand it, dont worry, ur as normal as i am!! )
herez hoping dat u find ur "path wid a heart" like i found mine! cheers!

on a not so serious note.. doesnt dis remind u of "gandhi ji ka jantar"/ gandhiji's talismaan.. which used be on d second page of all cbse textbooks back in school!

For those of u who think dat all I do is whine, whine & whine on dis blog…brace urselves up guys..coz therez more whining coming ur way!! But before I do dat…rem how every cloud has a silver lining… so we have our very own silver lining in pg as well…………….CONFERENCE……. ta daaa….Yup..IAOMR national conference..its d only time of d year when u get away wid anything n everything by just saying these 4 magical words..”preparing for conference sir!”… herez wat conference is all about

1. U r not alone
U can either go by air or by train..ppl usually prefer train coz its easy on pocket n most importantly coz it means more chuttis! N usually if it’s a national conference d entire train is full of pgs from dat branch…no wonder I kept hearing discussions on lichen planus n leukoplakias n ameloblastomas thru out my 20 hr journey from delhi to Nellore..

2. Brings out d creative genius in u
… all d practice dat u had in playing dumbcharades during ur internship will pay off now if ur not a native n have lingo probs!! So thankyou my bds batchmates for giving me movies like “dakoo haseena” n “chudail ka badla” n “sookhe naale mein behti laash” which I believe really polished my skills in expressing myself without speaking n helped me get an auto to our hotel “sundaari” in Nellore!

3. Saathi haath badaana
..if ur like dat frog in d well like me who used to think dat only 9 of us are specializing in dis branch…conference is a wake up call…coz there are thousands baby..so u need to start working if u wanna be d best among d rest! Don’t just stick to ur gang.. mingle wid ppl from other colleges coz dis is a golden opportunity to exchange seminars n L.Ds (yeah u read it right…wat cud be better than getting a ready made L.D ! though u still have to change it acc to d whims n fancies of ur guide..but anything dat means less work in p.g is good work!) oh n it does help if ur looking good..gives u dat extra confidence in approaching strangers..so do invest in a good shopping trip before going to a conference!

4. It’s d time to disco
N then comes d best part …. D banquet! Banquet means free unlimited booze free lipsmacking fingerlicking food n dancing non stop until d wee hours of morning! So don’t be scandalized when u c ur guides/professors doing a snake dance on shakira shakira!(I insist dat u take ur digi cam/video cam wid ya!) this cud be d only time of d year when they smile when they c u.. n treat u almost like a human! Plus u’ll c ppl sloshed n doing crazy stuff like getting on stage after getting inspired from dharmender in sholey n doing d basanti act…i forgot to mention d dress code… formals during presentations n anything ur comfortable in during banquet…. But they say it takes all kinda people to make this world… so u have babes dressed to kill! N u have some who’ll wear all d jewellery they bought in one year even if it means cervical spondylitis after d conference! N u have some who accidently turned up for d party on their way to d beach!(but d guys are not complaining!)

5. Meet d celebrities
Remember all those people whose books u used to cram in u.g ..u get to c most of them there(br.specific)..dats when u realize dat they r normal ppl like us n not superhumans..dats wat I felt when I saw dr anil govind rao ghom sitting right in front of me during a presentation…(had to curb d urge to take an autograph…didn’t want to scare him!) n u get to meet d whoz who of ur branch..good time to make contacts
..Before u know d 3 most amazing days of d whole yr are over in a jiffy…so all’s well dat ends well right?... wrong if ur a pg! so when ur back n still have d hangover of d gala time u had in d conference..dats when u remember dat u forgot to take d pictures of each n every poster presented in d conference as was told to u by ur guide….All my new frenz from Nellore…”zindagi rahi to phir milenge!”…. ……wondering if he’ll strangle me or cut me into tiny little pieces n feed ‘em to vultures….. may my soul rest in peace! Amen!

Signing off mowgli style –“alvida doston!”

life as a dental postgraduate student part II

in d days of yore..a sunday used to be a funday.. as a kid sundays were spent watching stuff like rangoli n chandrakantaa( even if i hv amnesia n dont remember my name, i'll still remember damdami mayee, kroor singh n his 2 aiyaars n d "vish" drinking shivdutt!) followed by.."chaddi pehun k fool khila hai" mowgli... n then 'potli baba ki'..watching tv non stop.. till d veins in ur head popped wid exertion!(forgot to mention shri krishna n alif laila)..enter teenage n d world starts revolving around ur frenz.. so sundays are spent watching movies wid dem..or trying to set one frend up wid another..(yeah dats d time when everyonez seriously falling in "true love"!).. scene's pretty much d same in under grad wid "true love" changing to "true loves" n .. waking up before eleven becoming an absolute no-no thanx to d saturday nites... sunday was all about doing things u loved..reading d sunday supplement(esp d shobha de section), ur favorite novels, movies or simple stuff like pampering ur hair wid hot oil massages..wid not a single nagging thot in ur mind bout deadlines or commitments..well dat was THEN... dis post is all about preparing u guys wat to expect out of ur sunday as a post graduate student...
..... first of all a sunday is NOT a rest & relaxation day.
use d flouride "swish n swallow" technique to get dis imprinted in ur memory forever n ever! a sunday is a day when a post grad student realizes dat he's been living in a pig sty for a week now n dat d white doctor's coat he's been wearing is now a weird mix of grey n brown.
.... n.. no thankfully a rat didn't die in d cupboard it's actually d stench from day before yesterday's left overs.. n not to mention d unending calculations of ur weekly dhobi bills, canteen bills, doodh bills etc..so ur "favorite" sunday starts at eight( as usual) thanx to d irritating hostel maid who insists on mopping ur room whether u want it or not..followed by sorting out d overflowing pile of papers of ur L.D, thesis work, notes etc n when ur just halfway thru it u realize dat they'll cut off d water supply at 12 noon so u rush to do ur laundry chanting "tikiya ragdo baar baar.." or screaming ur lungs out singing "washing powder nirma.. paani mein reh k bhi ye kam gale..dheron kapde dhoye aur zyada chale.." or any damn thing.. to pretend dat ur enjoying dis melancholous chore.. when ur done hiding ur chaddis n baniyaans in d safest corner of d roof farthest from d boys hostel..u suddenly remember d look of sheer concentration in both ur male co-pgs eyes as they count d hair in ur 'moustache' glistened by canteen ki lassi.. n vow to get ur upperlips n eyebrows done before people start making cute pony tails out of them! so d next two hours are spent trying to track down d "moti bhains" warden to get d gate pass outta d jail..finding a' sawaari'(also k/a jugaad in meerut, tempo in delhi, vikram in lucknow n poond in punjab..coz no autos n buses in dis part of city..) n getting ur stuff done... before u realize it's 7pm already.. n dats when d sinking feeling starts..coz u have three case records , one seminar n one lecture to prepare n while u're still recuperating from dis traumatizing thot u get a call from ur senior ordering u to complete his case records for him instead...
...........welcome to d "upto ur eyeballs in d jackass shit" stage of pg!!!
d icing on d cake is when u stand in d HOD chamber feeling sick to d stomach(thanx to d nauseating sweetness of sugandh agarbatti n previous nite's jagraata) n get subjected to ..."why d hell didn't u do d work?(wid a tone dat'd put even male banshees to shame if there were any!) ... u were free d whole day.... only a loser like u can waste a 'beautiful', 'lazy' sunday like dat!



signing off... duniya ka naara jame raho
manzil ka ishaara jame raho!!

life as a dental post graduate student

since this is my first post so lemme introduce myself.. im nivedita sharma a first yr post grad student in oral medicine and radiology located in a remote place in uttar pradesh cut off from civilization for d past one yr.. atleast dats wat it feels when u've worked in delhi n mumbai before coming to dis hellhole! me n post graduation? wat was i thinking? this thot has crossed my mind zillions of times in da past one year..so im basically writing dis blog for future post grad(pg) aspirates n also to let some steam off..

hmm.. first things first.. GOLDEN RULES OF P.G

RULE 1. P.G aka PALTU GADHA.. so dont be surprised when ur expected to do ur guide's personal work eg booking plane tickets, phone recharge, bank work etc.. all in d name of getting dat coveted M.D.S degree

RULE2. GUIDE is NEVER WRONG.. read dat line as many times as it takes to sink it in ur system..for eg for d past 2 days i'd been trying to take d ideal canine radiograph but all my guide had to do to crush my spirit was to say d darned word"REPEAT'...(i actually started having weird dreams bout priests somewhere near d holy ganges chanting 'REPEAT..REPEAT..REPEAT!)..... so after wasting 2 days and 62 films he finally decided to show me how it's done..well guess wat..d radiograph dat he took had a huge cone cut!.. reflexes say - flash all ur pearly whites and give dat "c mine was better than urs" smile.... but d mind, body and soul of a post grad student says..'d technique is perfect sir.. there is some problem wid d tube head sir.. it's loose sir.. not ur fault sir.. it keeps bouncing up n down sir... (even though d tube is so stiff it takes u all ur breakfast n lunch energy to move d damn thing!) u save d dumbass from getting embarrased n get blasted for not informing him bout "d loose tube head" earlier..

RULE 3 BECOME DEAF AND DUMB think dat ur on a "maun vrat"for d next 3 yrs.. or convince urself dat u've got dis seat on d handicap quota or get a tattoo of gandhiji's teen bandar n change it to "kuch" mat dekho, "kuch" mat suno , "kuch" mat bolo..or watever crap it takes u to implement dis rule...eg again.. i used to party n freak out wid frenz just like everyone else but ever since i've become a p.g i've switched onto my "suzie banee sita"/" poo bani parvati" mode.. coz u never know when n wat may work against u.. i learnt dis lesson from an ortho pg who got drunk n yapped away all d good bad n ugly things about her guide, being extremely descriptive by using profanities, gestures etc... her batchmates kept coaxing her to have more n let it out of her system once n for all..dat was one yr back when she was in final yr.... today ..she still is in final yr. be vary of seniors who bitch bout others n try to instigate a response from u..so even though they're d ones who actually started d discussion.. d next thing u'll know is dat u've been dragged into dis political quicksand ...n dat my frenz hearlds a poor prognosis for ur survival as a pg.. u probably know all these things already but guys dis is different coz wat u do .. will mark d course of ur life for d next three yrs.. so no matter how tempting it is to complain, curse , abuse n bitch bout ur guide/seniors/batchmates... JUST KEEP UR GOB SHUT!!! n when in doubt just remember d old doordarshan road safety commercial "saavdhaani hati.... durghatna ghati.."

RULE 4 BUY A DICTIONARY DAT DOESN'T HAVE D WORDS LEAVES/OFFS/ VACATION/ HOLIDAY when i was working and even as an undergraduate stuff like dog died, grandmother died, nausea-vomitting-diarrhoea, real sister's divorce/marriage/childbirth, roomie getting chickenpox n i think i have itching all over.. used to work like a dream..after entering pg.. its been 10 months n i haven't been to my hometown chandigarh.. so even if u really have nausea- vomitting- diarrhoea all wid d clogged toilets n ur hostelmates avoiding u like plague thanx to d "jhonkas hawa ka" emanating from u every now n then.. u still HAVE TO ATTEND COLLEGE! "don't worry just pop in a couple o norflox tzs n u'll be fine" dats wat ur revered guide 'll say... wat? u don't think so? forgotten already! just refer to rule no 2..(guide is never wrong)

RULE 5 LEAVE UR SELF RESPECT n EGOS HOME - as a pg ur expected to know everything on anything.. so when u dont answer(or even if u answer correctly but guide thinks its wrong) be prepared for stuff like..."why dont u get married n sit at home", "wat did i do to get a loser like u as a student", "i dont want to go to jail by passing u in exam", "write a letter saying ur not fit for dentistry", "even an idiot can answer dat" or worse be prepared to get suspended..so either u can struggle to know "everything on anything" like me n get punished every day or u can stay outta trouble by doin wat my seniors do.. we call it " CHATAAAEEE" a form of ego massaging wid oodles of maska for ur guide plus acting as a fool proof khabari (which pg said wat bout wat staff member)..



well actually i can go on n on wid dis gyaan wardhak post.. but it's already 1:20 n i gotta get up early n prepare a case presentation on treacher-collin's syndrome plus have to reach college early as well coz sir's sugandh agarbatti stock is over.. which means dat i have to make sure dat it is replaced asap coz d first thing he wants when he enters his office every morning..is.. sugandh agarbatti.. signing off - a "farz ki raah par matwaali rahi" first year p.g.... H.O.D ki jai!!